DIY on-line

Space Cadet, 20/10/2000

This week's musings are from my guest columnist, Miss Space Cadette.

Picture the scene: Handy Andy's doing up the front room of a mid-60's tower block flat in Somewhere'sville, Middle England. The neighbours have gone giddy and have already covered the walls in toilet paper. The sofa that was pale blue is now a leopard skin futon.  Andy and a blonde "designer" have erected a free standing, flimsy-floppy shelving unit from an old washing-up liquid bottle, tacked it to the ceiling with drawing pins, and have decided that this would be the perfect place to display the absent home owner's much loved prize collection of antique tea-pots.

Now I don't profess to be an interior design Guru but one has to wonder just how many days of Design School do you have to bunk off to realise that this a)isn't going to look good and b) isn't going to last beyond next week?  As predictably as day following night, the whole sorry lot comes crashing to the floor, spraying shards of antique and irreplaceable china teapots all over the newly decorated room.  I urge you now to open your window for surely you too can hear as the nation shouts "I could have told you it wouldn't work!".

It was televisual history, anyone who didn't see it, or see it coming, should write to the Beeb in a Points of View Stylee, "Dear Anne, Please Please Please Please Please show it again". 

There are however many web sites where Joe Homeowner is more than willing to offer advice for DIY wonders and blunders.  I'm surprised there is any need for a TV Carol and her merry band of "Bob-a-job week" designers.

Housenet.com offers all kinds of handy hints for the modern Home Improvement Engineer; my personal favourite suggests:

Nail hole plugger

Have a lot of visible nail holes in your wall? Wet your finger, dip it in baking powder and press over the hole. Presto! What hole? (Note: This does not work on holes bigger than a nail hole so if you punched the wall, see a professional.)

So what Melcofox is essentially saying is that if you can't hide the hole by putting a finger over it or if you have punched your fist through in a fit of violent rage, you should seek professional help?  I know somebody who needs professional help - of the white coat variety.  Perhaps none more so than Mclouston who offers this handy hint:

"Nail in the tongue

When installing hardwood flooring nail through the tongue side."

Ow!!

Further gems of DIY inspiration are provided by  Tessa. Tessa tediously, yet tirelessly, describes the 4 day transformation of her trailer-park bathroom, step by tedious step.  The accompanying picture diary is unmissable (if you're an insomniac). 

"Day #3
Once the primer has at least 24 hours to dry, I pour my primary paint color in the paint tray. Using the tray, and paint sponge, I apply the first coat of paint on. Each paint varies on drying times, so check to see how long you you [sic] should wait before applying your second coat. The brand I used, (Integrity Premium, Interior Latex Semi-Gloss Enamel) takes an hour to dry. Once the second coat was applied, I let dry over night."