Aspiring to mediocrity

Space Cadet, 12/05/2000

Do you find your work less satisfying than you had hoped it would be? Do you feel you are not doing it as well as you ought to? Do you find the motivation posters in your office are just not helping? Well, perhaps the solution is to lower your standards with Demotivators from Despair.com.

A product range is available on themes such as Apathy ("If we don't take care of the customer, maybe they'll stop bugging us"); Procrastination ("Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now"); or Mediocrity ("It takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference until it's too late").

And then there is the product line in Underachievement ("The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower"). What claims to be the most useless internet company in the world suggests that you "unleash the power of mediocrity in your own office, home or dormitory with Underachievers from Despair.com. These compelling depictions of the merits of laziness, indifference and inability are virtually guaranteed to inspire you or someone you love to not bother trying to soar to new heights."

I feel better already.

May a sympathetic lawyer destroy your underwear

Or in Irish, Go scriosa dladaigh. This is just one of many invaluable insults you can translate with the Curse Engine.

Everyone knows somebody they feel the need to insult. That much is obvious. Some people say they don't - but they're lying. And sometimes, of course, it's necessary to insult that person in Irish (stick with me here). For Gaelic speakers, it's easy. For anyone else, the obvious solution is to visit the Curse Engine and concoct your best Irish insult from a combination of choice words. Just click "Mallacht" (which means "Curse," I think), and in just a few very exciting seconds, you get an unpronounceable sentence of top quality Irish insult. There is a phonetic version too, but it too is utterly unpronounceable.

So the next time discussion becomes negotiation, then argument, then insult (the standard 4-point-plan for any dispute resolution), you can casually retort, "Go salaí na gráinneoga cealgrúnacha do chuid infheistíochtaí" (or, may the malevolent hedgehogs soil your investment portfolio, for the benefit of the non-Irish speaker).